Thursday 3rd August 2017

Today has been abit of a lazy chill day for all of us. Isabelle didn’t come into us until gone 10 this morning and even then she got into bed with us for chats and snuggles which was really nice. 

Che got up while Isabelle and I stayed in bed a little longer. One of my favourite things is snuggling and chatting with Belle, even if she does bring her kindle in to watch something on YouTube. My mum rang me to say she will be round soon to drop something off to us and if Belle is dressed, her and my dad will take her around the shops for awhile. Belle never turns down time with her nanny and grandad because she knows she gets away with so bloody much and is often treated – I suppose that’s what grandparents are for (that’s what my mum and dad tell me anyway 😉 ) Che and Zak were upstairs on the Xbox and I found myself with a spare hour or two while Belle was out. I didn’t do to much to be honest as I’ve felt tired and achey for most of the day (Bad weather + Fibromyalgia = A bad day for me usually) so I ended up watching This Morning and then Loose Women, both of which I’ve not watched in months, so it was actually quite enjoyable considering I don’t really get to see day time tv too often. 

My mum called me to say her and my dad have bought more of Isabelles new school uniform and a coat for her when she starts year 3 in September. Obviously, that’s something I’m really really grateful for but of course my brain starts with the negative thoughts ‘I’m a shit parent because I’ve not bought all of Belles uniform myself’ and ‘Maybe I’m not good enough, is that why my mum and dad have started on the uniform buying? Do they think I’m not capable or unable to afford it?’ I managed to push those ridiculous thoughts away because that’s exactly what they are – Ridiculous!! When Belle has children of her own, I’d be doing the exact same thing as my mum and dad have been doing…….taking some of the pressure off of me and helping out where they can because they WANT to. So Thank You mum and Dad for everything you do for, not just us, but for all 5 of us kids – Chris, Emma, Dan, Barry and I. I know everything you both do is always well appreciated, we’re all so lucky to have parents like you both. Also, ‘Happy 25th Anniversary’ for the 1st August, well done mum for putting up with dad’s terrible cheesy jokes for this long!

I still had a little time before Belle came home so I decided to sort a few financial things out that I’ve been meaning to get round to doing – another weight off my mind. Next I checked Facebook and saw a few holiday posts and I instantly felt a little sad that we weren’t going anywhere abroad (Ibiza) this year for various reasons, i told Che how I was feeling (I’m trying to talk to him more when I have my down moments) he said we could still go if i price it up (came up around £120 for 3 days/2 nights) and we tighten our belts even more, though I’m not entirely convinced to be honest – We do have a lot to look forward to next year plus Butlins this October with Belle and her best friend. We shall see though. 

AJ sent a message to our group chat about a mutual friends status who was complaining her life, without saying too much, it had seriously pissed me right off because no doubt she was only on a moan because she probably couldn’t afford to get her hair or nails done this week – such a hard life! Thats the sort of person she is, she knows it and everyone else knows it but she continues to ruin her own life and doesn’t change or help herself. 

Isabelle arrived home and we had the rest of the day laughing making up daft rhymes, laughing and being silly. It was so good to hear her laugh the way she did this afternoon, even i felt better for laughing too. Children always seem to have a way of lifting your mood even if they do test our patience sometimes! 

Just before Isabelles bed time, she was in the kitchen making herself a drink of milk…..she comes through looking sheepish and tells me she had spilt the milk. Well she wasn’t lying, it was everywhere, but has the saying goes there’s no use in crying over spilt milk…. literally! I cleaned up the mess and told Belle not to worry as it was only a accident and even I spill things sometimes, that made her happy to hear of course.

I would like to say Thank You to all those who have messaged me thanking me for sharing my blog and the messages of support – Especially my mum, who said she is proud of me and I’m brave to be sharing it all. Also, Ian, for checking in with me and letting me know hes always here for me, does mean a lot. Lastly, to my park friend; she mentioned how I always seemed to appear more chilled than she is!! Funny how we all think the same things about each other but never really say it out loud.

Today’s mood has definitely been a mixed one, I’m hoping tomorrow will be a better day.

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