Friday 4th August 2017

I will keep this shorter than my previous posts as there really isn’t much to say today. 

I have felt sad, tearful and just in an existing state all day, I was going to write up today’s entry earlier but I thought ‘No, I’ll hold off just incase my mood improves’ but of course it really hasn’t. If anything it has got worse as the day has gone on. I wish I knew the cause of my low mood but I don’t and that’s the part I find frustrating because if i knew, I could at least do something about it. 

Even though I’ve felt sad and tearful all day, I’ve not had any thoughts of jumping out of windows, which is a win at least.

This sort of mood always makes me think of stupid things and I also feel regretful about things out of my control. I always feel sorry for not being better for Isabelle and for feeling sad. I wish so much i could be ‘Normal’ and be like everyone else.

Zak kindly took Belle to the park for a few hours this afternoon with a picnic, so I had a few hours breathing space to at least CHEER THE FUCK UP. I text Zak making sure they were both ok and he replied that they were and he told me what they had been up to so far – that put my mind at ease and so i just rested for awhile as its another bad day again for aches and pains, the joys of having Fibromyalgia. I briefly mentioned to Che about how we both need a change of scenry for a few days soon, just us two but I have no idea where or when or even if we will get round to it. I might talk to him again about it later and see what we can arrange. When Belle returned, it seemed like she had a good afternoon and hopefully shes burned off some energy so she will sleep well tonight *Fingers Crossed*

Last night after I shared my entry, Ian messaged me in our group chat stating that he loves my blog so fucking much. This then sparked up a conversation about my blog and how one day advertisers might want me to mention their products in the future, all though that’s not really my intention of this blog but I suppose if the opportunity was there id gladly take it, who wouldn’t?! Ian gave me a rather comical idea of what I could write to encourage product advertising in my blog….

“You could write something like “I was in the bathroom today and Che has bought a new anal bum bleaching cream, I think it’s called White Crack. I thought I have half an hour, let’s give it a try! My god it worked a treat none of that burning sensation and the smell of rotten dogs like those other anal bleaching creams. White Crack at only £5.99 a tub, far better than others on the market!””- Ian, Cheesy Bitches group chat, 22:51, 03/08/2017. I literally have no words sometimes, honestly, some of the shit we say in our group chat is seriously questionable sometimes. Oh and there you go Ian, i got White Crack in here somewhere haha.

I’ve received more encouraging messages on Facebook from friends and family who have been following my blog which I am grateful of so Thank You all. If anyone wants to leave messages on here though, you are welcome to. 

For the rest of this evening I’m going to carry on reading my book (The Unmumsy Mum), catch up on Hollyoaks and then finish the night with Celebrity Big Brother. I may come back later to update should my mood improves or I need to get things out.

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