23:35 – Friday 4th August 2017 Part Two

23:35 and my mood is even worse. I’ve been chatting abit to people on Facebook and despite the LOLS and the 😂😂 faces, what I’m actually feeling is completely the opposite to be honest. I’ve had the stupid hanging thought come to mind a few times tonight, the guilt of being the worlds worst parent ever and that I should be doing far more for Isabelle than what I’m already doing. I often think back to when she was bullied at school to the time when she was  PURPOSELY pushed off of a play bar which resulted in her dislocating and breaking her elbow! Hearing your child tell you that they’ve tried to kill themselves is possibly the most heart breaking thing ever. Belle told me she had tried it and broke down in tears because she had, had enough of this one particular girl at school making her life at school a misery! Even though Che and I made a huge fuss about it and hassled the school to change their anti bullying policy and punish the girl who did this to Belle, i still feel I could’ve done so much more. We had other parents eventually tell us their child had seen the girl push Belle on purpose, we even had parents tell had that their child has seen and heard the girl being nasty to Belle when the teachers aren’t looking or cant see. I’ll always feel guilty for not being there to protect her from being picked on by such a sly, horrible and manipulative child. Even one of the teaching assistants told me to my face just how manipulative and sly the girl is! After getting the school governor involved we did eventually get a written apology from the school and Isabelle got a verbal apology from the headteacher, which we were happy with because Belle is a person and deserves respect and at the very least an apology when people in authority have let her down drastically. Any decent parent would teach their children right from wrong and to apologise if they’ve acted in a way that has hurt or caused upset to someone else; same as that we teach our children that they are worth something and deserve an apology when someone has upset them. I will never understand the girls parenting because did they apologise to Belle or us? Like fuck they Did! Did the child say sorry to Belle? No, of course she didn’t! If anything the parents put it down to girls being girls and kids being kids, if i had broken the mother’s arm on purpose or decided to punch her, I can bet my life I wouldn’t have got away with it so why on earth has she let her child get away with doing that to Belle? Just Why? What sort of person doesn’t even bother to parent their kids properly and teach them respect and to be a decent human. If it had been the other way around and Belle was the bully, i would be so embarrassed and upset. I’d be questioning where the bloody hell I went wrong? Id be making sure she wrote a written apology to the child, as well as a face to face apology to the child and the parents. Even Che and I would be apologizing for what had happend and would do everything we possibly could to sort the situation out and make sure the child and parents are ok not just bloody leave it!!! The parents even had the cheek to try and intimidate us when we attended CHILDREN’S parties or on the play ground – didnt work and it just made them a laughing stock, their behaviour has clearly rubbed off on their child (learned behaviour and not of the positive kind!) As you can probably tell, when I think about what happend to Belle it still really fucking pisses me right off. As much as people say to me not to think about it anymore and I know they mean well and all but I can guarantee that they would be feeling the exactly the same way as i do. Thank god that Isabelle and most of her friends will all be going to the same junior school in September, one that the bully ISN’T going to (though I did hear, the parents were offered a place but then it got withdrawn – wonder Why?!🤔) 

I’m always going to be over protective of Isabelle and ill always kick up a fuss if ANYONE purposely hurts or upsets her, it’s just the natural thing to do, even if i lose friends over it (they aren’t real friends in the first place if they wish to walk away or not support us) because my daughter will always come first no matter what happens.

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