Wednesday 9th August 2017

So, my mood in general hasn’t been to bad today despite not feeling 100%. I did manage to get out today to get some shopping in, mainly to get top ups for Isabelles snack boxes each day, they have been a real money saver for us during the school holidays and it’s something we are likely to keep doing at a weekends when shes back at school. The idea behind them is to fill up an empty container in the morning or night before with mainly healthy things like sandwiches, fruit, vegetables, raisins, rice cakes, yoghurt etc…and with a few treats such as crisps, mini chocolate bar or a little packet of sweets. Belle knows that these snacks are to last her the day, so if she decides to eat them all in one go (we don’t advise her to!!) Then there won’t be any more snacks until the next day; So far she has done really well with it and makes really good food choices and quite often she will have the chocolate or sweets still left over at the end of the day, which for a 7 year old, I think is pretty impressive! 

It was nice to get out earlier even if it was just to go shopping. The weather was still bloody awful which limits us on things to do, so once we got home Belle asked if we could have a movie night like we used to, we agreed. Her choice of film was Horrid Henry……again. I think we have seen it over 100 times as she watches it so often plus the tv series and reads the books, so it’s safe to say that shes a Horrid Henry fan! 

The usual dinner, wash and bedtime routine happend and I was left down stairs on my own as Che was in his man cave/office for the night. I got my daily fix of Hollyoaks (One of my favourite tv programmes ever) and relaxed with a hot water bottle and a blanket. After Hollyoaks has finished there was nothing else i usually watched on a Wednesday night, so I decided to catch up on ‘Who Do You Think You Are?’ It’s not something i often watch, but it was the turn of Emma Willis this time who is one of my most favourite celebrities. While watching it, it made me think alot about my own family and my ancestors. What were they like? What did they do for a living? What was life like for them? Do I look like any of them or have a similar trait as them? I think I’d like to do a family tree or something like that at some point and really get to know those people who were around long before me, it would be interesting to learn all about them finding out where they came from and who they are.

As the evening got later I started thinking about friendships. Last night someone I had been friends with for just under 10 years decided to leave an other group chat and block me and Che…the reason? This particular group chat had been laid dormant for awhile until last night, where she sent a message saying ‘This group needs a come back lol x’ to which I jokingly replied ‘Oh so you want to know us now then…’ I would’ve thought that after almost 10 bastard years of friendship that she wouldn’t have been so sensitive and offended by me joking about with her like that..? Anyone that knows me properly, will know that I can be sarcastic and will often joke about like that but I NEVER mean it in a vicious way. If I don’t like someone I make it quite clear and don’t beat around the bush either. I’m guessing that this friend just couldn’t be bothered with me any more and wanted a reason to get rid of me from their life, no matter how petty was. This is my problem, I give people too many chances sometimes. For quite awhile I had invited this friend to different places/events/holidays etc… but i would never get a definite answer or she just didn’t answer me at all, but then a few weeks later, if see her arranging a similar, if not the same thing with a different group of friends of hers. Maybe I should’ve took the hint then and realized that my company is just not good enough/I’m too boring/don’t have enough money/not cool enough/I’m not fun to be with etc….but like an idiot I still carried on talking to her occasionally and being a friend until last night she decides to just cut me off like that. I’m 32 this year and I honestly can’t be bothered with those types of people any more, if you dont want to do something with me then say so! Don’t make up stupid excuses just be HONEST! I’d much rather appreciate honesty than be insulted by a lie; I would also have more respect for you as a person for being able to be honest and adult about things. I’m lucky to the best friends I do have, even though I don’t see them as often as id like she to us living in different parts of Kent and of course life getting in the way. When we all do get together though its always a bloody good laugh and alot of fun. A well over due catch up is VERY much needed and soon because I miss them the same way as i miss my family who are all over England and my youngest brother, Dan, living in Australia at the moment. As much as I miss Dan and wish he would come home for a visit, I’m really proud of him for perusing his dreams and doing everything he’s always wanted to do in his life. I definitely baby him way too much and almost treat him as if he is my son, which sounds weird but it’s not! Hes the youngest out of 5, so it was obvious he would always be mothered by not just my mum but by my sister, Emma, and me. Dan often sends me Snapchats of what he’s up to or has been up to as well as keeping everyone updated on Facebook aswell (my mum doesn’t have Snapchat, so Facebook is mainly for her and his other family and friends). Just writing about him makes me feel sad because I miss him and I think back to the last time I saw him, the last cuddle and the last hair cut I have him; He would always come to me for a haircut and wouldn’t go anywhere else. As far as I know he hasn’t had his hair cut since and is now rocking a mini pony tail, which knowing Dan, will probably turn into a man bin soon 😂😂 

I hope the weather’s better tomorrow as it would be nice to actually go out and do something with Belle for the day rather than be stuck indoors, though she hasn’t really complained and has entertained herself with her toys and books. I’m planning to have a girly day with her Friday by taking her to the cinema and either lunch or an ice cream/milkshake somewhere. We will probably go and see the Emoji movie as she has been bugging to see it since the trailers for it came out. I should probably try to get some sleep as its late now and I’m tired, however, sleep never usually follows when I’m tired 🤔🤔 Good night and see you tomorrow.

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