I woke up with a really bad feeling of anxiety in the pit of my stomach, I have no idea why. It carried on for most of the day until late afternoon when I got to my mum and dad’s house. My nieces and nephew were there and Isabelle is staying for a sleep over with them tonight. My mum, dad, Che and I chatted about life in general, the trip to Scotland next year and mine and Che’s possible trip away next year.
Che and I left my mum and dad’s house and went to Asda to get an Indian takeaway meal deal, which is a treat for us and better and cheaper than a normal takeaway. My mood was ok at this point and I was feeling pretty happy and excited for future plans.
Tonight, however, is a different story. I’m fucked right off, just want to cry and give up on everything. I’m so pissed off with worrying about EVERY bastard thing and not actually enjoying life because I’m always worrying and thinking about others. I just wish I could catch a bloody break in life for a change, where I’m not having to worry constantly about EVERYTHING and EVERYONE but have things come easy for us just once!!! Honestly, tonight I feel so fucking DONE!! The shit negative thoughts are back in my head, to the point where I’m questioning what’s the point anymore? What exactly is my purpose in life other than to please everyone else? I’m so fucking sick of everything fucking up all the time for us. This year so far has been absolute dog shit and it has constantly pushed me and tested me to see how much I can actually take before I snap or do something stupid. I hope and pray that next year is so much more better because if it’s not, then fuck knows what I’ll do or what will happen.
That bad feeling of anxiety in the pit of my stomach from this morning? Well, that’s now changed into a burning feeling of anxiety and sickness, just what I need at this time of night. Brilliant!