Monday 21st August 2017

Isabelle stayed at my mum and dad’s last night as my nieces and nephew were going back to Essex today 😢😢 I’m definitely going to miss them all and I know Isabelle will certainly miss them so much. 

My mum rang me just after 8am to say my dad wasn’t very well and had been sick, my dad is hardly ever unwell. My brother, Chris, had to be at work for before 9am so he could catch the lunch lady, my dad usually takes him but today, I did, which was actually nice. I know it doesnt sound much but it was good for me as I was able to help Chris and my dad out in their time of need. On the way back we picked up Belle from my mum and dad’s and went home. The weather was really shit today so we didn’t do anything too exciting other than have a chilled morning and then head over to Westwood Cross this afternoon, where we took Belle stationary shopping as she starts her junior school very soon! Aswell as the stationary, we also bought her a lunch bag, two water bottles (One for in class and one for lunch), P.E shorts, trainers for outdoor P.E and of course a few little treats for her. It was actually really nice taking Belle shopping and letting her pick out the things she likes rather than me picking things I think she might like. For me personally, I think it gives her a sense of responsibility and to take pride in her belongings and look after them when she is at school. After spending a small fortune (we actually spent my bingo winnings, which was going to be a deposit for our holiday next year but when it comes to Isabelle, I can’t help myself!) It was almost time to pick up Chris from work, so we headed over to his work place to go and get him. Its not often I get to see him on his own, so any time spent with him is always a good thing. 

We dropped Chris off and went home ourselves. Belle had snuggle time with me, it’s something I always appreciate it because as shes getting older she doesn’t like to snuggle with me as much as I’d like. Having that time with her really was lovely, I always tell her how proud I am of her, how proud I am to be her mummy and just how clever, kind, thoughtful, a brilliant friend and daughter and just how beautiful she really is. I probably tell her those things every day, not through habit but because i genuinely mean those things. I want her to understand her self worth and should anyone was to say negative things to her in the future, I like to think that she will be confident and strong enough to ignore and not believe those things and not let them bother her in the slightest. I understand other people might not agree with that but my confidence during school was awful, I was shy and quiet most of the time, never knew my worth and would let negative comments get to me, I don’t want Belle to go through the same as i did. 

Isabelles bed time arrived and she went to sleep with no problem at all tonight, which was a nice surprise because usually shes abit of a moo bag by coming up and down the stairs with all sorts of excuses, so we are very proud of her tonight.

With Belle settled and fast asleep, Che and I relaxed and caught up on TV and had a chat about life because recently we’ve had a bit of a shit time together though its  nothing to do with our relationship, however people do try to ruin us but we are too good together and are a strong enough couple to not let those things get to us but instead we laugh about it! We’ve been told by so many people that we are ‘couple goals’ which does make us laugh but we do appreciate sweet comments like that. We’re just ourselves, what you see is what you get with us. The things we spoke about were mainly to do with Che’s personal goals and how he feels about recent events. I hate it when he is so down on himself because he doesn’t see how amazing he really is, he doesn’t see what other people and I see in him but i wish he bloody would!!! He’s a brilliant dad to Isabelle, he is so wrapped around her little finger it’s unreal 😂😂 their bond is lovely and is truly unbreakable. He’s a great friend, always their for his friends, weather it be to offer advice or to cheer them up, he is always there. His sense of humour literally does me in, because he has Aspergers, he often has no filter and comes out with some shocking things but you can’t help but laugh. Of course, our friends and I never laugh AT him in a malicious way, id seriously kick some arse if anyone did that! Che makes me laugh so much even when I’m meant to be annoyed at him at times……. the dickhead. I love him so much and he will never understand just how much he means to me and how happy he has made Isabelle and I, he changed both of our lives for the better. When im having real bad days he is always here to comfort me and still tells me he loves me and that im beautiful (although i always disagree on that because usually during my bad days, i look like ive been on crack all week – Obviously i havent, but you get the idea) I’m not going to say what his goals are because they’re personal to him but I’m confident and have every faith in him that he will reach them and will be a great big fuck you to everyone who has ever doubted him and put him down in his life. Now is his time to shine and prove everyone wrong by showing them that he is capable to lead a normal life, do things everyone else can and be whoever he wants to be in life because he’s never been given a proper chance to before until now and I will support him in everything he does. I love you Che and I always will, without you and Isabelle I’m nothing, you two are my reasons for carrying on fighting my issues and for trying to get myself to a better place mentally. 

If anyone would like to leave feedback/comments, you’re more than welcome to and it would be very much appreicated it! Even if you don’t want to leave your name, that is totally fine 😊😊Thanks to Steve, who was the first person to have left a comment on here, it was so kind of you and I’m very grateful.

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