Sunday 10th September 2017

It’s been about a week since I last posted, that’s mainly because we’ve had a very busy week with Isabelle starting school, getting the house back in order, catching up on other things and Che’s birthday was on Friday just gone. I also felt like I was bothering people by posting so much but after having a talk with Che tonight, hes encouraged me to carry on, so here I am.

Isabelle had a good first week at her new junior school, shes so happy and confident which has made my anxiety about her starting a new school go right down. Her play therapist she used to see at her infant school now sees her at this school, she had her first session on Tuesday. The following morning we had a phone call from the play therapist to tell us that Isabelle is much more confident, out going, puts her hand up in class (her class teacher also told us this) and that shes like a different child now to the one she first met at her infant school. I am so bloody proud of her for allowing herself to be her again instead of shying away and worrying about the bully in her infant school. The difference in her is amazing and so lovely to see, im just glad shes happy again without any worries and can enjoy school again. On Friday she stayed with my mum and dad as it was Che’s birthday and we had planned to go out, something which doesn’t happen to often because usually we like to stay in watch a film with a take away and get an early night with a full nights sleep, we’re such a boring couple but I love us.😍😍 My mum told me that Belle had got a good sticker for always smiling and working hard the whole week, proud was an understatement. The next day when she came home I looked in her book bag to read the school newsletter and in it was a section for the children who had received a ‘Head Teachers Award’ for that week, whose name did I see? ISABELLE! The head teacher picks one boy and one girl from each class in the school for the ‘Head Teachers Award’ for that week and there it was, Isabelles name was there! First week in Year 3 at her new junior school and shes received the ‘Head Teachers Award’ already!! I’m so pleased and happy for her and that has filled me with so much confidence that we picked the right school for her if shes achieving brilliant things like that in her first bloody week! That girl is definitely going places and does me so proud!! I’m sure she will keep up the high standards and good work at school, in fact I KNOW she will.

Friday night we had Ian and AJ round for drinks and a sleepover as it was Che’s birthday. We decided to go to the new Wetherspoons that had recently opened a few weeks ago along the sea front, it’s the biggest one in the country apparently. Ian was pleased as it meant he could get a picture of the carpet in there 😂😂😂 it was nice to be out for a change and to be honest I had missed Ian and AJ alot. The night was good, we took pictures, chatted and laughed alot. ‘Sausage Bullseye!!’ ‘Do you have a spare car?’ We all headed home but stopped for a dirty kebab on the way, of course! Once at home we switched the TV on and caught up with this week’s ‘Naked Attraction’ it’s basically like a naked version of ‘Take Me Out’ but with alot less people. So there we was eating our kebabs or in Ian’s case his chips, mouths fill of meat while watching naked people on TV 😂😂😂😂

The next day I suffered badly for the past week and for going out for Che’s birthday. The pains, aches, exhaustion, brain fog, headache, sickness, dizziness and everything else that comes with Fibromyalgia. It was extreme and I just wanted to cry in pain and stay on bed and rest but I couldn’t really do that as we had things to do. I took some selfies of me looking ‘Normal’ because to the outside world I look like there’s nothing wrong with me at all but the smile you see is covering up the full effects I was experiencing of Fibromyalgia that day. I posted them on Facebook and Instagram explaining how I was really feeling behind that smile. I hope that people will be less judgmental about invisible disabilities and just take the time to think what their words or actions could do to someone like myself.

Today, my mum and dad took Isabelle to the boot fair with them and had her until about 3pm, which was a huge help becsuse when I woke up I was still in excruciating pain but mainly with my back. I thought I was going to be bed bound for the day as it was that bad, however, I needed to get up and get downstairs at least. I rarely take Tramadol during the day but today I HAD to, the effects of Fibromyalgia was something else, I can’t remember the last time I was this bad with it. Once the Tramadol kicked in that was it, it had taken the edge off and I was floating and my body felt light like I was floating, then the drowsiness kicked in and within 30 minutes I was asleep on the sofa! When I woke up I felt a little better but I still couldn’t move too much without hurting. That will teach me for trying to be a normal 30 something! 

On a positive note, it’s been just over a month since I started taking my new anti depressants for depression and anxiety. I think they’re doing be good as my moods have lifted, I’m not as grumpy or snappy or moody as I once was. I had to ask Che, my mum and dad if they had noticed any difference in me and they all agrees that I seemed alot better, even my dad had made a comment to my mum about how much happier I look in my self. Despite the Fibro flare I’m having just now, I do feel pretty good mentally and in a more happier place, I’m so hoping things stay that way because I feel like I can finally enjoy life without negative thoughts clouding my way and bringing me further down. 

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