I’m back! Hey! It’s a long one!

Sunday 27th January 2019

My first post of the year is here. It’s been a long 15 months or so but I’m back and ready to blog again.

*** I do talk about Women’s health and Cancer in this post, so if it’s something that cringes you out or you don’t want to read then please feel free to give this post a miss – I won’t be offended! ***

2018 was an ok year I suppose. We had a trip to Scotland to see my sister and my nieces in March, then a holiday to Ibiza in June with Isabelle, Che and my mum and dad. Che, Ian and I went to see Steps, Blue and Saara Aalto also in June. Che did amazingly well as it was his first concert. In case anyone doesn’t know; Che has Aspergers which is a form of Autism so alot of things that most people wouldn’t even think twice about he finds challenging. Che and I had a holiday to Devon in September with Ian and his new partner. We went to see Professor Green in November which was actually one of Che’s birthday presents I had got him in September. I had decided to drive to the concert which was in Brixton London, it was my first time driving in London and even if I do say so myself I did bloody good! The day before the concert, Che kept making up excuses about why we shouldn’t go but I knew it was his Aspergers playing up and he was just nervous about being in a place with so many people. Luckily when we got there we were right at the front which helped Che massively. We both had a brilliant time and it was nice to have that time together.

Things started to go wrong for me personally towards the end of the year. At the end of October I thought I was just coming on my period and really didn’t give it much thought and I just got on with it as I normally would. The last 2 years I’ve had issues with my periods where I would go for months on end without one and then all of a sudden they would come back again and settle back down into a regular cycle. 10 days had passed and I was still bleeding “Ok it’s Probably just going crazy again” the 10 days turned into 2 weeks and 2 weeks turned in 3 weeks and that’s when I decided to go to the doctors because something was very obviously wrong to be bleeding constantly with no signs of it stopping. The doctor gave me some medication to stop the bleeding however it only stopped for 12 hours and it was back again. I gave it a few more days to give the medication chance to really kick in but it just didn’t work and I was seriously starting to worry. My next trip to the doctors they gave me a higher dose of medication and an other tablet to take along side it to help with the pain and again they really didn’t do alot. When I was talking to the doctor I nocticed a change in his face and tone of voice when I was telling him about other symptoms I’ve had and about a cancer scare I had in 2014 following an abnormal smear test. That’s when something in my mind kicked in saying that this is potentially serious.

My doctor requested that I have blood tests and an ultrasound done, so 2 days later I was at an independent building having an ultrasound and also an internal ultrasound. They found a 5 or 6cm cyst on my right ovary, I knew I had a cyst from previous ultrasounds but it was much smaller. I had my blood tests the following day.

A few days later I was back at my doctors surgery but this time for a smear test. When we got in the room the nurse explained that she wasn’t able to carry it out because I wasn’t due one until June 2019 and by doing so it could upset the cells and the lab will only throw it away and not test it if there is no note to say that I’ve presented symptoms of Cervical Cancer. The nurse asked me more details of my bleeding and made me an appointment to see my doctor again the following day. Later that afternoon the doctor’s surgery rang me to say the doctor has requested I see one of the female specialist doctors as she has more experience and knowledge. That set me off worrying again. The day of my appointment with the female doctor came she examined my belly and asked alot of questions and my history etc.. she even carried out a pregnancy test to rule it out – I’m NOT pregnant in case you’re wondering! Her face and tone of voice also changed and she explained the possibility of Cancer. I felt my stomach flip and the blood drain from my face. I started to cry because all I could think about was Isabelle. The doctor told me she was sending me for an MRI scan, requested more blood tests and an urgent referral to the hospital. I was absolutely shitting myself and I felt sick for days with worry. I knew exactly what the CA125 blood test was for – it was to see if I had any raised markers for Ovarian Cancer.

Sunday 16th December 2018 – I finally stopped bleeding! I had bled for 6 long weeks.

I attended my urgent referral appointment at a different hospital where my consultant chatted to me about everything and gave me an internal examination to see if there was anything obvious that was causing the bleeding. She told me I will need to have an operation with a camera and a biopsy of my womb was to be taken at the same time. My CA125 blood test came back within normal range and as much as I was relieved I also knew that the marker isn’t reliable because lots of women can have a normal range and still have Cancer.

Christmas eve I was back at my local hospital for my pre assessment for surgery which was taking place in January. Later that day I had to go to a different hospital for my MRI scan. They both went well and I would find out my results in the new year. We carried on with Christmas as normal as we possibly could and I tried hard not to think about any of what was going on but it was so hard! All I kept thinking about was “What if this is my last Christmas with Isabelle and Che?” Despite the worry we had a nice Christmas and kept it a quiet one where it was just us 3, no one came to visit us and we didn’t visit anyone other than my mum very briefly on Christmas day to give her, my dad and my brothers their presents.

With Christmas and New Year out of the way with I attended an other blood test only this time it was to test for other tumour markers.

The day of my surgery arrived and I felt fine with little nerves. When it was my turn to go down Che walked with me as far as he was allowed. When I was on my own with just the nurse and a member of the theatre staff I started to panic and cry because I was so scared and couldn’t stop thinking of the worst. Isabelle had let me take one of her special teddies with me, the one she picked was a pink and white dog which my Nan had given to Isabelle days before she had passed away so it really was very special! I had it tucked in with me on the surgery bed. The last things I remember before the anaesthetic kicked in was me talking about my Nan and Professor Green – very random!

When I woke up I was in so much pain and discomfort and very emotional I just couldn’t stop crying. I got taken back to the ward to recover and to be allowed home a bit later on. A nurse came to see us to say everything went well and they couldn’t see anything nasty or anything that shouldn’t be there which was a massive relief. We couldn’t really understand alot of what she was saying because her accent was difficult to understand as English wasn’t her first language. She did mention the MRI results but I’m still unsure of the results because It really was difficult understanding her.

I found out that I was discussed in the hospital multidisciplinary meeting where a team of different specialists discuss my procedure, results, treatment and what happens next.

This week I had a phone consultation with a doctor in the week because I had come on my period except there was way too much blood than what was normal for me and it wasn’t slowing down. I asked if she could tell me my biopsy results and she agreed she could. The doctor I spoke to on the phone had an accent and again English wasn’t her first language which made it difficult to understand a lot of what she was saying. She starts telling me results from previous tests that I already knew and mentions something about the biopsy and says I’m fine and no cancer was detected. So I’m obviously relieved and happy. Anyway a few days later I ring the hospital and ask about the results letter as I’ve not received it yet etc.. they then tell me that my results are still with my consultant waiting to be reviewed and she will either write me up a letter or make an appointment for me to go in to see her. So I still have NO IDEA what my biopsy results actually are and if cancer has been found or not.
It’s completely messed my head up and my mood has been bloody awful.

I know that I have to go back to see my consultant for a follow-up appointment which should be pretty soon so I might not get my results until then. For now, I’m just going to try not to worry or think too much but as I’ve said before it’s ridiculously hard. Keeping positive is all well and good and very easy for people to say but when something this serious is hanging over my head it becomes draining to force a feeling that isn’t there. Sometimes I need a day or two to feel sad and emotional over everything for my own good. I’m praying it’s not cancer not just for me but for Isabelle, I can’t bare the thought of her having to go through it with me, she doesn’t deserve that worry and heartache at all. I want her to continue being the happy carefree little girl that everyone knows and loves. I still want her to be able to look back on her childhood when she’s older with happy loving memories of good times with her mummy and daddy and not memories of a seriously unwell parent. It’s not happening!!!

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