15th March 2019 – Taken from my Social Media Accounts.

Today has been hard and emotional. Today was the day that Peter got cremated. It was a direct cremation which happend between 8.30am and 9am. We decided on a direct cremation for a few reasons – It would be better for the 3 girls to not have to attend such a traumatic event when they’re already suffering as it is. Financial reasons was also an other reason for this. From 8.30am to 9am I cried and listend to different songs that he liked and ones that made me think of him, this was the first time I’d cried over him in weeks because I’ve been holding back alot and I think this has been what’s wrong with me lately and why I’ve been so angry, moody and basically a bit of a bitch. I need to cry more and I need to do it whenever the feeling is there.
Once Melinda has Peters ashes back then Isabelle, Che and I will be going up to Scotland for the memorial and to scatter his ashes. It’s a much nicer way for the girls to be able to say good bye and in a way they want to.
I know some might not agree with how we’ve done things but our girls have been our main priority and this is what we think is best for all 3 of them.
I had wanted to be able to see Peter one last time but it wasn’t possible, not through my choice but it was down to the funeral director. Melinda has asked for me but it just wasn’t possible. That broke me because I needed to see him so badly, I had so much I needed to say to him, I needed to see his face and touch his skin one last time. It would’ve given me so much more closure. Melinda really did fight for me to see him which I appreciate it so bloody much!
Luckily, Melinda was able to hand over any letters or items we wanted to put in the coffin with Peter. Isabelle had made him a card at her counselling session which she’s been having at school and actually her counsellor went above and beyond for her last weekend. I had text her asking if she was around on Monday so I could collect the card ready to be sent the same day as everything had to be done by Wednesday at Melindas end. Isabelles counsellor replied and said she will drop it to our house on Sunday! I could’ve just cried at how nice and thoughtful that was of her.
I wrote everything I needed and wanted to say to Peter in a letter and sent it up to Melinda with Isabelles card, a letter from my mum and even a note from Che.
Most people will know that I’m a big believer when it comes to spiritual things and I’ve always been this way since I was a child. Peter has definitely been around us all today. In my front room I have a mini heater which you have to turn the dial on for it to turn on; Che and I were in the front room this afternoon doing our own things and no word of a lie the heater switched itself on!! It’s NEVER done that before! I’m pretty sure it was Peter pissing about and his way of saying “Hi, I’m here!”
An other one was where Che was going through the songs on his PC and he came across one that reminds me of Peter, literally seconds after my mum had said to me to listen out for songs as a sign too that he’s around.
I hope he continues to keep giving signs he’s still around and he looks after his girls now he’s at peace and finally happy with himself.
A part of me will always miss and love him and that will never change, he gave me the most precious gift I have in my life – Isabelle.

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