17th March 2019 – Taken from my Social Media Accounts.

Over this past week or two my mental health has been the worst it’s been for a very long time. The most smallest and petty thing can really bring my mood right down which then makes me SO angry! I have such a huge rage inside where I feel like just punching everyone. Honestly, it feels like the worst case of PMT but times it by 100 and have it stick around everyday. I’ve felt unwell for weeks and I only seem to be getting worse each day. I’m pretty sure I now have a kidney infection or kidney stones because the pain I’ve felt has been like no other!
I done a self referral for counselling but because of cuts in my local area it’s no longer available, so instead they redirected me to a place which does offer it, however, it’s nowhere near to where I live! I’m disgusted and disappointed at the lack of care and funding when it comes to mental health. People wonder why suicide is so common now, there’s your answer. Absolutely shameful!!!
My other option now is to go to my doctor and see what they can offer that won’t involve a huge waiting list and anti depressants.
I’m sorry to those who do bother with me if I’ve been shitty towards you or I’ve not picked up your messages on here or texts and you’ve had a late reply or no reply at all. It’s not that I’m being ungrateful or I’m cutting anyone off it’s because life has been really busy and with my state of mind how it is lately I tend to read messages and think “I’ll respond with a decent reply in a minute once I’ve had a chance to think” but then I forget or my mood changes and I just shut down. All I ask is if everyone can just be patient with me and please still stick around!!
I’ve been trying my absolute best to be as normal as I can when I’m around others. Most days I’ll smile, I’ll chat and just try to appear to be my normal self, however, my brain tells a different story. Inside I’m hurting, I’m upset, I’m confused, I’m fighting the urge to cry, I’m angry and I just want it all to stop so my life can go back to how it was before. Just because I smile and can have a conversation doesn’t mean “I’m over it” I’m just trying to battle with myself and appear normal to everyone else when really I’m dying inside and in need of a hug and a chat.

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