Today has been weird. The afternoon was when I started to feel off, I tried to do things to pick myself up a bit but it just wasn’t working!!
I’ve thought about Peter on and off today, one thought in particular – I wish Melinda and I had become friends when Peter was still alive. Melinda has become the friend I’ve always wanted and needed in my life for many years. I’m so glad and grateful to have met her even if it was in such sad circumstances.
The evening time the feeling became worse and I realized it was depression I was feeling….again.
I’ve been in bed for a few hours now unable to sleep even though I’m tired. I’m too depressed to sleep right now. I have a million thoughts running through my mind about how I’m so disappointed in myself for not handling Peters death very well.
This next section of my post will probably hit a nerve with some people but I’m done caring now. I’m seriously disappointed in quite a few people, people who I would love to name and shame but given their nature they would only cause me untold shit and twist it so I’m the bad guy and make it all about them…as usual. Those bridges have now been burned and believe me when I say that when they come crawling for a favour or they need some thing from me the answer will be a firm no and I couldn’t give a shit how desperate their situation might be.
What sickens me and has pissed me off more than anything is when I think of the times I’ve helped people out, whether it be giving lifts, taking their children out/having them over night, always having my inbox open and being at the other end of the phone, messaging others to make sure they’re ok when somethings gone wrong in their life to offer my love and support, always checking in on others when I know they’re not at their best, inviting them out and about, and just listening and helping where I can. Yet those people haven’t even bothered to contact me not even once!!! Fine, don’t ask about me I can accept that I suppose but to not even message to ask how Isabelle is doing…?? That speaks volumes and shows the true colours of those who are meant to care. Absolute bullshit.
I can probably count on one hand the amount of people who have actually been here for all of us and trust me I really appreciate it more than they will ever know. They’ve helped us out no questions asked, they haven’t tried to make life any more difficult than it already is for all of us. They’ve actually took time out of their day to talk/message us even when my mood might not be the best or I might seem distant or not want to talk to anyone – they STILL sent a message or a text to make sure we’re all ok and to let us know that they’re here for us. Again, that’s some thing that is truly appreciated and we can’t thank those people enough for all of their support especially as it involves Isabelle.