Just before we went to Ibiza something happened which I didn’t want to talk about and to be honest I still don’t want to mention it now – Sorry! Before this situation happend I felt like my life was changing and things were really on the up for me personally and professionally, however, since what happend I seem to have taken a mile long step backwards.
My depression has been present ever since and I can’t seem to get rid of it this time. I have difficulty concentrating on most things, my work has taken abit of a back burner because I’m feeling a little defeatist over it and there’s a “what’s the point?” Mentality hanging over me. I can’t seem to sleep properly and my appetite is literally all over the place at the moment which isn’t helpful when I’m trying to eat healthier! I feel like a zombie and I don’t feel much emotion other than sadness and a meh feeling. There’s things coming up that I should be planning for and feeling excited about but I just can’t and I have no idea why!
I think because I took time out in Ibiza and even though my mind didn’t fully rest it still had more rest than it usually would have at home and so now it’s released emotions I’ve held inside since late last year out and they have now come to the surface and it’s taking it’s toll.
Whatever it is, I want and need to get back to how I was feeling around 6 weeks ago when everything was going good and I was feeling ok mentally because I hate me and my mental state at the moment.