It’s no secret that this year has been the worst year of my life so far. So many negative things have happened to us that most people wouldn’t experience in their lifetime. Some I’ve spoken about and some I’ve kept to myself.
Because of how bad this year has been it has made my mental and physical health so much worse. Remember when I started to have heavy bleeding at the end of October last year for over a month? Well, I’ve had more issues in that department and I’m still no closer knowing what’s actually wrong with me! I read something the other day about a 25-year-old woman who is now dying of cervical cancer, her symptoms are identical to mine! During all of her tests, she wasn’t offered a smear test, just like I wasn’t. The hospital told me if it is done before you are due one then it can mess with the cells. This womens cancer was discovered during an operation if I remember correctly.
Her story was too familiar and made my blood run cold, so the following day I called my doctors surgery to arrange a smear test at their earliest convenience. They told me they don’t usually do them unless a letter has been sent out but do I have any concerns leading to my reasons for requesting one? I told them I do and I need to have one for my own peace of mind if anything! The receptionist told me she will call me this week to let me know if I can have one or not because she has to check with the practice manager first!
Today, the doctor’s receptionist rang me to say that I can’t have a smear test done and if I do have any concerns then I’ll need to make an appointment with my doctor who will refer me to the gynaecology department at the hospital. I was at the hospital a few weeks ago who told me they were going to send a letter to my doctor who will then refer me back to them but they’ve obviously not done that! They have told me I am due a smear test in December this year so I will be invited to go for one then. Another December worrying about similar issues I had last December.
Before going to the hospital a few weeks ago with those issues I had been ringing my doctor’s surgery to arrange an appointment for about 6 weeks. I have also needed to talk about my mental health to them but like always there were no appointments available!! However, the receptionist managed to pre-book me an appointment for 2 weeks time yet any other time I’ve asked to do that they’ve never been able to do that before.
I’ve been holding in a lot lately, I’ve not been myself nor have I been truly ok. I have been so tired, drained and seriously run down. I’ve not been allowing myself to cry until today as this really was the last straw. I’m so disappointed and upset at how long I’ve had to wait for an appointment to see my doctor. My mental health has been on a downward slope for a while and I’ve desperately wanted to get it back on the right path before I ended up where I am now or worse. Its no wonder that so many people sadly thake their own lives when its almost impossible to get any kind of help!
My anxiety is worse than ever and it’s difficult to not worry what the rest of this year has in store for us given that the previous months have been nothing but worry, stress, misery and heartache for all of us. We have had very little support with only each other to rely on. I can only hope and pray that 2020 will be a much more positive and happier year for all of us.