🕯 9 M O N T H S 🕯

🕯9 M O N T H S 🕯

Since January this year, the 29th of every month has always been the same.

I’m reliving that phone call from Melinda telling me that Peter is dead, the disbelief, the shock, the intense pain I felt that night.
Then having to contact one of his brothers to tell him what had happend.
The phone call with the police to confirm who I was, confirming his details and my details and then having to wait for them to call me to actually confirm it was true. I will never forget it. I still have the text message on my phone from the police trying to get hold of me. I remember going up to bed around 11pm that night with my phone on loud waiting on that phone call from the police around 40 minutes later or so they called me. I went downstairs stood in my kitchen in the dark looking out my window while the police officer was telling me what had happend. After the call ended I just stood there on my own in disbelief and pure shock. I didn’t sleep that night.

My husband whom made it impossible for me to divorce no matter how hard I tried, the man I once loved so much despite our turbulent relationship, the man who helped create Isabelle, the man who I still had so much more to say to and so many questions to ask was no longer here – he was dead and I had to tell Isabelle at some point which was breaking me even more.

To anyone who thinks I should be glad or I should be over it by now or I should just forget about it or it’s so easy to just move on try this…
Imagine hearing the news that someone you knew for such a long time who also happend to be your child’s mother or father had died. You will never hear or see them again, all those unanswered questions will forever remain unanswered, you will never talk to them again and then you have to tell your child what’s happend. You then have to support them the best way you can all while you’re still grieving and trying to get your head around it all. So please unless you’ve actually gone through this exactly as I have, please don’t say you know how I feel or sit there and try to tell me how I should be feeling or what I should be doing by now because believe me you really have NO idea at all. Love, support and kindness is what we all really need more than anything.

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