When you realize that in order to move on with your life you need to grieve properly.

To grieve for that person, that life you once had with them, that person you once was, the time before it all went wrong, the happy times, the bad times, the not knowing of what REALLY happend, the unanswered questions and the unsaid things.

This realization literally only occurred to me tonight and I really cried my heart out. I’ve felt like crying all day and I haven’t really known why until tonight. I feel like I’m not really dealing with Peters death properly, I almost STILL don’t want to believe it is true. I have some how managed to switch off that emotion and that part of my brain has been in denial for the past 9 months.

I don’t know how long this is going to take me to not grieve for him anymore and for this heavy feeling in my heart and stomach to go or if at all. I don’t know when I will go a day without thinking about him at least once.
While I’ve been so worried about Isabelle dealing with all of this and worrying about everyones elses feelings or what they think, I have forgotten about myself and my need to grieve too.

If I talk to you about Peter please just listen. I’m not looking for anyone’s sympathy or attention, I’m just trying to heal myself so I can one day move on. The kindest thing anyone can do for me is to just listen if I open up to you about him.

Thank You. ❀❀❀

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