😧 THE MOTHERLOAD 😧
Anyone else feel like packing a bag, switching their phone off and pissing off for a few days to let your head actually rest?
This is something I actually feel like doing but of course I can’t and won’t do that.
My body is tired, drained, run down and has had enough and my mind is very much the same. My brain feels like it’s an old PC running Windows 95 with 20 different pages open struggling to cope and never being shut down.
I’ve mentioned before that really late at night is the only time I get for me to process the day, think of myself and try to relax. Isabelle is meant to be asleep by 8.30pm every evening but she’s always up and down the stairs every night without fail with some sort of excuse and we give her the same answers every night. This carries on until around 10pm, sometimes later, most nights and has been going on for about 3 years. We have tried EVERYTHING to get her to sleep at a decent hour and stop these silly excuses at night.
It feels like Che and I don’t have a life outside of being parents. We don’t get time to relax in the evenings, we very rarely have date nights or special days out. When we do get to have the odd night out or special day out together it’s usually when Isabelle is out elsewhere enjoying herself.
This year has broken me, I’ve desperately needed proper breaks inbetween everything that’s gone on but I’ve never really had any. I knew that if I didn’t, my mental health would take a serious knock and I would struggle to pick myself up out of it. I was right because I’m there right now. My brain is at its full mental capacity and I’m seriously struggling with life at the moment, I can no longer deal with anything else that comes my way, I am running on auto pilot. The smile you see isn’t real, I have very little interest in most things, even talking to people is a huge effort at times and I feel like crying most of the time over nothing.
I am drained. I am tired. I am miserable. I am worn out from life. I am really struggling and finding life difficult to cope with at the moment. I just need a proper break from life to completely reset myself back to my default factory settings.