January – it’s always a shit time for most people after Christmas. Everyone’s usually in debt, skint and wanting to get rid of the festive podge they’ve put on over Christmas. January for me personally, has always been a shit month because it’s the month my grandad passed away so his anniversary has always been there just after Christmas. This year it is even worse for anniversaries and they’re so close together too.
20th January 2020 was my due date.
24th January is the anniversary of my grandads passing.
29th January 2020 is the first anniversary of Peters death.
I’ve not felt myself for awhile but today I feel worse. Drained, tired and tearful is pretty much how I’ve been feeling today. I have the motivation to do certain things but none for life in general just lately, I want to pack our bags and escape for a few weeks somewhere hot and far away to forget about life, to forget about the sadness which surrounds us all.
I want to wake up one day after a decent nights sleep and feel better. I want the fog, tiredness, drained and hurt feeling to be gone and to be replaced with energy, happiness, a clear mind and motivation for life again. I wasn’t prepared to feel as bad as I do now, I suppose at least I know for next year… 🙄
We’ve always said that January 31st is our New Year’s Eve and February 1st is our New Year’s Day. Once January is over with, February will be much better and an easier month for all of us and we can start living, smiling and rebuilding ourselves again after the horror that was 2019.