πŸ•― 10 πŸ•―

πŸ•― 10 MONTHS πŸ•―

It’s been 10 months since Peter died. If I’m honest I still don’t know what to feel sometimes. Some days I’m ok but the hurt, the heavy feeling in my belly and the lump in my throat is still there – it’s never left since the day he died. Other days he is all I think about and I do the stupid thing of torturing myself over his death. I ask myself painful questions and I imagine him laying there and wondering what his final thoughts were, was it really instant? Was he really pain free? Or is that something the police tell you to make it somehow easier on you?

There’s no escaping him even in my day to day life. Like I’ve mentioned before it could be a song, a storyline on one of the soaps, someone looking simular to him, a smell…literally anything. When I’m out driving I think of him alot and I tend to zone out with just my thoughts of him, some good, some bad and some just torturing myself over his death.

I sometimes look at his pictures and it’s still really really hurts bad. I’m not sure if that’s something that will ever go away. When I look at his pictures I find it hard to believe that he’s not here anymore that I’m never going to be able to see or talk to him again. Even 10 months on there’s still so much I need to say to him, I still have so many questions that will forever be unanswered which I have found difficult to accept.

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